Happy Earth Day, comrades!

On behalf of the unhinged liberal establishment, I'd like to extend a very Happy Earth Day to you all!

Let’s celebrate by reducing our standard of living and returning to the romantic pre-Industrial Revolution era, where mortality rates were significantly higher, where we weren’t hindered by pesky energy, where medical innovations still consisted of “leeches” and “blood letting.”

A world where false climate data is trumpeted as true in the name of political fascism and increased taxation. A world where alternative energy means wasting billions but still freezing to death even though there are billions of calories of energy just waiting for the taking. A meatless world where malnutrition awaits to deform our children and shorten our lifespans. A world where progress means going backwards and is applauded and saluted. Da, there is much good news on this Earth Day.